


You Are Safe (With Me)

by BabylonsFall



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s03e03 The Searchers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21556540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabylonsFall/pseuds/BabylonsFall
Summary: Or: 5 times Eddie waltzed into Buck's apartment like he owned it, and 1 time Buck triedIn the lead up to, and the aftermath, of the tsunami, two broken men try to fit together a little better.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 64
Kudos: 1194





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo everyone and their mother has written a post-tsunami fic so why shouldn't I toss my own into the mix as well?
> 
> Honestly though, this is my first attempt at writing for 9-1-1, but I'm really excited. I binge-watched up to The Searchers in three days, and then stopped so I could write this (I know what happens after, but that has little to no effect on this fic y'all). I just wanted something comforting after the show decided to tear my heart out, and before it could do it again, so... here we are!
> 
> Title is from Sanctuary by Welshly Arms
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

God, he was tired.

There was grit in his eyes, an ache in his chest, and dust in his mouth - his eyelids felt like lead, and he couldn’t really find it in himself to do anything about the stifling heat turning the dust in his mouth to mud. He could, in theory, push the blankets back. But that would mean having to deal with the fact that the room was light enough that it had to be early morning by now.

And having to deal with the fact that he’d been awake long enough to watch it go from pitch black to rosy gold.

He was _tired_.

And he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

He heard something that sounded vaguely like a door being opened. One of his neighbors leaving for work probably. The thought tasted sour, and he found enough energy to move for the first time in awhile - you know, that was probably why he was aching, now that he thought about it - to turn over, and pull the blanket closer over his head, like it’d do anything to block out the rest of the world.

When Eddie yanks the blanket away with a resolute “Get up,” Buck’s not in anyway prepared for it, and can really only blink at him for a long moment before trying to curl back up with the blanket to block the light his brain suddenly registers.

He feels...fragile. And slightly pathetic. And he really, really doesn’t want Eddie to see any of that. “Why man? Come on…” He groans, in a weak attempt at getting Eddie to leave him alone. He _knows_ it’s a lost cause, but whatever.

Sure enough, he hears heavy footfalls coming around the bed right before Eddie unmercifully pulls the blanket away again. “Because it’s morning and you have things to do.”

And that...well, that stings a little - twists the ache in his chest sharply. “No, I really don’t.” Buck shoots back, making one more try for the blanket. He’s not sure if Eddie’s letting him get a hold of it to be nice, or to be a jackass, but the dark is nice, for however brief a moment he can get it back. He’s not even tired anymore at this point. He’s not sure yet if it’s anger that’s pushing it back, or restlessness, but either way, he’s pretty sure it’s Eddie’s fault.

And the blanket’s gone again. “You need to get out of this house and take a walk around the block and get some fresh air.” Eddie sounds way too calm. Too matter of fact, as he lists off things that, sure, in a reasonable light, would be good for him, but that sound like utter bullshit right now. But Buck knows a losing battle when he sees one, sometimes. Doesn’t have the energy to bite back at it like he normally would. So, instead, he gives up on the bed, heading for the stairs instead. Maybe if he can convince Eddie that he’s up and ready to move, he’ll leave him alone. And if he plans on escaping back to bed as soon as possible, well…

“Why? What’s the point?” But, he also wouldn’t be Buck if he didn’t get the last word in, dammit.

“Well, the point is, your life isn’t over just because you’re not a firefighter.”

“Says the firefighter.” And maybe it’s a bit sharp, a bit bitter. He can’t deal with the man’s painfully calm optimism right now - couldn’t even if he’d had a decent amount of sleep recently. Which. He hadn’t.

The grit still in his eyes and the slow, constant ache in his chest - and now his head - has just made everything too sharp, too bright. And Eddie could be as calm and tactful as he wanted - that unending tide of optimism was just grinding away at what little energy Buck had.

“You know, that blood clot could’ve almost killed you. But it didn’t. You have your whole life ahead of you, so why don’t you just take it as a win and stop feeling sorry for yourself?”

Buck’s trying to tune Eddie out. It’s about the only option he has left. He takes a deep breath in - forces it out instead of the hard words scraping at his throat, pushing past him without a word to go sit on the couch. Ignore him long enough, surely he’ll go away right? It worked with the others, it should work with Eddie. In theory.

Then he hears Christopher’s “Hey, Buck,” right before he sees him sitting on the couch. Okay, so, he can maybe forgive not hearing Eddie, but how did he not hear Christopher? He wasn’t that out of it, was he?

Either way, the smile he cobbles together for Chris is the most genuine thing he’s managed in awhile, even if he can _feel_ the way the edges are cracked, “Hey buddy...:Uh...what’re you doing here?”

“He’s hanging out with his Buck today!” Eddie says and he slips around Buck to give Chris a hug, “Because I have to go to work today.” Anytime Eddie wanted to stop twisting at the crack slowly forming in Buck’s chest, that’d be great.

“Where’s Carla?” And the question’s maybe a little desperate. He loves Christopher - the kid’s a bright spot in a sky that’s lost it’s stars. But he’s not really sure he can...deal, with that much direct light right now. The sun has nothing on the kid, and that light is still stinging his eyes if he looks out the window for too long.

“She went to Morongo,” Chris says, before Eddie gets a chance. Well, isn’t that nice for her.

“Mm-hm. So!” Eddie looks back at him, and for all his fighting, for all his weariness, for all his _anger_ , Buck just feels himself folding in the face of that smile. The one he’s been resolutely not looking at since Eddie got here, for this exact damn reason. “Take him out. Have some fun. Maybe you’ll learn something.” Buck doesn’t really get that last part until Eddie leans in close to whisper, “He never feels sorry for himself.”

Eddie’s real lucky Buck likes his smile. And likes his kid even more.

“Love you buddy!”

“Love you. Love you, Dad.”

And he’s gone.

And Buck’s left with the ache in his chest, the grit in his eyes, and the one bright star in his dull night.

His smile’s still strained - still cracked and warped at the edges. But it’s still real too, as he turns back to Christopher. “So, what do you like to do for fun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are done, and the three after that are rough but there, but I'm posting them a couple days apart to give me time to edit, and to finish up the next three chapters.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed the first chapter, and I'll see y'all in a couple days!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always loved and appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh. Holy hell, I did not expect the reaction this got? Thank you so much y'all! All of the kudos and the comments were really so awesome to see, and they were really such a surprise and just. Yeah. Thank you!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this next part!

Helena Diaz didn’t raise a liar.

...Back up. Helena Diaz didn’t raise a _good_ liar. What he learned along the way had nothing to do with her.

A fool, maybe (definitely). But not a (good) liar.

So in the hours after...just _after_ , Eddie doesn’t try to lie to himself.

He’s angry. He’s pissed. He’s _terrified_.

And it all hits him _hard_ , in those two seconds between piecing together what Buck’s trying to tell him, standing in front of him, broken and scared, and seeing Christopher being carried by a stranger back to him, like some miracle in the storm. Hits him then - steals the breath from his lungs and the words from his throat. Hits him again, as soon as he’s gotten the all clear from the doctor - has his knees just shy of buckling and heaving breath trying to fill fractured lungs.

Christopher’s okay. A little banged up, a little bruised, and a little confused. But he’s _okay_.

And he won’t stop asking about Buck.

And Eddie has to walk away. Not far - definitely not far, not yet. But...a few feet. Enough space to start breathing again, to try to work through the crash of emotions that he doesn’t want to name - too visceral to give voice to, lest they tear him apart from the inside out.

Buck lost Christopher.

He knows, he _knows_ it’s not right - it was a natural disaster. No one could’ve predicted a damn thing. Fucking hell, he didn’t even know Buck and Christopher were smack in the middle of it until it was all over.

But there’s no rationale behind the anger, and that he knows too. Knows he has to let it breathe. Run its course.

Buck lost Christopher.

And did his damnedest to find him again, despite the odds. He has a slew of texts in his phone from Maddie (how she got his number is a question for another time), letting Eddie know just how much hell Buck went through, even if she’s only got the sketchiest of details. And Eddie doesn’t even need that to know that nothing on this planet would’ve stopped Buck from getting Christopher back, if he could, despite looking half-dead by the time he’d finally dragged himself to the VA hospital.

Buck _lost_ Christopher.

And the universe saw fit to fix the unfixable with a miracle.

Eddie’s pretty sure he’s running out of them by now.

He’s also man enough to admit that half of his anger, now that he’s had a moment to pick it apart, was directed not at the small and broken man that had been in front of him, but at the terrified and fractured man at his core.

He hadn’t known Christopher was even in danger.

And it was way too close to his years spent half-way across the world, running from bullets, running from people, running from his family. Half his time spent over there? Something could’ve happened back home and it would’ve been _weeks_ before he knew.

So the universe had presented a natural disaster that had threatened his son and his best friend. Had broken his best friend down into a shell and presented him to Eddie at his most vulnerable - and then saved them both. Buck from finally going over the ledge Eddie knew he was standing on, even if no one really wanted to look close enough to admit it - himself included - and Eddie from being the one to push him over.

...Yeah, he was running out of miracles.

* * *

It takes a couple days. Just to breathe. To hold Christopher close. To get used to their new, hopefully temporary, reality of anxiety and nightmares and quiet, fragile mornings and smiles plastered on to be brave.

To be completely honest with himself, and to figure out where to go from there.

But when the time comes? He doesn’t hesitate.

He packs an excited Christopher into the car without even questioning where they’re going.

The look on Buck’s face when he opens the door - like he doesn’t believe his own eyes, and, given the bags under them, Eddie’s pretty sure he genuinely doesn’t for a moment - just proves he made the right choice.

Chris doesn’t wait for an invitation before barging in, as comfortable as he always is, and Eddie bites back a smile, looking back up at Buck.

“Hey Buck,” Christopher says as he goes in for a hug that Buck’s clearly not prepared for, but going with admirably well anyway.

“Good morning, Buck,” Eddie tacks on.

“He- Hey, buddy,” Buck manages after a moment, with a smile too, which Eddie is going to count as a win. For what, he didn’t know, but a win for something. Buck’s starting to look up though, and there’s confusion in that look, and Eddie decides to just bowl on through - better than getting stuck in the door trying to explain things anyway. It looks like, while he’s been setting himself right with the universe these past couple of days, Buck might...not have been.

And he’ll feel bad about that, later. Right now, all he can do is try and fix the aftermath.

“Okay, there’s a morning snack, and midday snack, two coloring books and a buncha legos.” Eddie lists off as he slips past Buck to put the backpack on the table. “Between us, he’s never built anything that kinda looks like...anything. He just likes sticking things together.” Making it work and moving on, like the best of them.

Glancing back he points out the remote, “It’s right there, buddy,” before going back to bowling Buck over, where the man’s still standing just inside the door, watching the two of them incredulously, “There’s 20 bucks for pizza, and if I were you, I’d eat a couple extra slices. You look like you’re wasting away to nothing.” And even as he throws it out there as a joke, Eddie has to hide a wince as he actually _looks_ at Buck and realizes just how true it is.

He’d been bad when he’d come by before...everything, but now? God, Eddie shouldn’t have waited those few days. Shouldn’t have waited those weeks before to begin with. He had no doubt that if he actually looked around the kitchen, he’d find a sad state of affairs. The suspicion alone was enough to have him spotting pizza for the two of them, but he really didn’t want to confirm it.

Now that he’s actually _looking_ , and trying to look like he’s _not_ , Buck looks like...absolute shit.

The cuts across his face highlight the bags under his eyes, his shirt is clinging in a way that makes Eddie’s stomach and shoulders ache, and it looks like he’s favoring his leg again, which is never a good sign. And if he’s skipping over the, frankly, hunted look in Buck’s eyes right now, well...he can only take in so much without wanting to scream.

“Eddie-” Nope, not right now, Buck.

“I will say, honestly, you being laid up is working out for me. I mean, you’re no abuela, and you’re half a Carla, but you’ll do in a pinch.” It’s forced, Eddie can admit that. But he needs this, he needs _them_ , to go back to normal.

Right with the universe and all that.

“You want me to watch Christopher?” Dammit, Buck. The way he asks it...hurts. On a level Eddie’s not sure he really wants to look at right now.

“It’s easy. He’s not very fast.”

“After everything that happened?”

“A natural disaster happened, Buck.”

“I _lost_ him, Eddie.” Something clenches hard in Eddie’s chest, but there’s no anger. He’s already worked through that - wishes now he’d thought to include Buck in that, like it’s clear he’s needed.

Well, he was here now. Make it work, and move on. “No, you _saved_ him. That’s how he remembers it. And now? It’s his turn to do the same for you.” He hadn’t really thought about it like that, but now that it’s out of his mouth, he knows it’s true. And the swell of pride he feels then, knowing his kid _can_ , and would do so happily…

But Buck still looks so confused, and a little cracked, “I was- I was supposed to look out for him.”

“And what, you think you failed?” Bowling over doesn’t seem to be having the effect Eddie was really hoping it would. Fine. He could work with that too. “I failed that kid more times than I care to count, and I’m his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too.” He reaches up to clasp Buck’s shoulder, get all of his attention right now, in this moment, “Buck...there’s nobody in this world,” he shakes Buck gently, getting him to look back, to meet his eyes, “I trust with my son, more than you.”

And maybe it’s a little unfair to walk away then, when it looks like Buck is finally starting to _get it_ , but if he has to watch those eyes fill back up with life, with _light_ , he might actually break himself, so he turns to Christopher instead, “Okay, buddy, I gotta go,” and goddamn does he not want to.

A kiss for his own light, and a gentle “Love ya, have fun,” steels him enough to go back to Buck. “Maybe try going to the zoo this time, something inland.” Though he doubts they’ll be leaving the apartment today, he feels the need to toss the light hearted jab out - to break the tension he’s been feeling since he stepped foot inside.

Buck chuckles softly, so he’ll count it as a win.

Again, he has no idea for what, but a win is a win, and he’ll take it.

Actually, turns out, he can’t leave it like that. The need hits him as soon as he gets to the door - “Oh, um...Thank you. For not giving up.” And then he does actually need to go. Before he ends up staying the whole day, just to help stick his favorite people back together, piece by piece, lego brick by lego brick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around - hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> I'll see y'all in a couple days with chapter 3!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm still so blown away by the attention this has gotten. The comments are amazing, the number of kudos this has gotten is just so cool and just...Thank you so much!
> 
> (Also, sorry for the slight delay. Holidays. And minor set of nerves. Yay.)
> 
> **And heads up: the panic attacks warning in the tags shows up in this chapter. It's pretty descriptive, but I think the general warning covers it. If you think this needs a better warning please let me know and I'll add it!**
> 
> All that said, hope y'all enjoy!

Buck gets complacent.

That’s really all he can think to blame it on.

Eddie has been dropping by with Christopher more days than not, these last couple of weeks, and though neither of them have any desire to tell him they spend most of it napping or watching Disney movies more than really going _out_ , it has been helping. Both of them.

Buck’s still not sleeping great, but those afternoon naps with Christopher, which became tradition right about the time Christopher asked if he ever dreams about the thunder in the water too, were doing wonders for him. Enough so that, while he still wasn’t sleeping through the night, he was _sleeping_.

So, yeah, he definitely got complacent sometime in the last two weeks. He’d been without Christopher that day - Eddie was working a double, and Chris was happily spending the day with Carla and the night with his Tia Pepa.

Buck hadn’t...done much of anything that day. Muddled his way through a workout that was more stretching than anything, ordered food, and watched Toy Story 2. Christopher had been mortally offended when he’d found out Buck hadn’t seen the second and third ones, and therefore, couldn’t watch the fourth one with him, so Buck had promised to watch them soon.

Even if the walking, talking toys creeped him the hell out. Chris liked it, so he’d deal with it. Anything to see that little man smile his sweet smile that made him feel on top of the world and like he could do just about anything and…

And yeah.

Point was though, the day hadn’t been anything. Just another...boring day. The only social contact he’d had was with the delivery guy - Maddie hadn’t answered his text, so he figured he must’ve either caught her going into work or just getting off when she had plans.

You know, that might’ve been it. Not the Maddie thing - that was just them, years of easy contact worn into a pattern of long silences and rapid-fire bursts - but the whole...boring day thing.

He finally gives into the boredom around eleven that night - early, all things considered.

There’s no...no _moment_ , between being asleep and being awake. One moment, there’s nothing. The next, he’s clutching his pillow at his side hard enough to rip fabric, his knuckles aching, his chest tight and his breathing shallow as he breathes in the sheets in his face, the fabric wet and clogging.

There’s something tight and heavy on his legs, and moving his chest and hips _hurts_ , and he can’t turn his head enough to get a clean breath of air, and he can’t move his legs, and all he can hear is his own ragged breathing, rough and sharp over his pounding heart and his buzzing skin, and he can’t move his legs, and he can’t see anything but the dark sweep over the edge of his bed and he can’t _move his legs_ and...and…

There’s the sound of ripping fabric, and suddenly Buck is tumbling into that dark swath he can’t see. He barely recognizes that he’s falling, too caught up in the clear breath he gets right before the wind’s knocked out of him as he hits the floor, hard.

All he can hear is his breathing. Short and stuttered over the irregular roar of his heart and the scraping of his insides at the edges of his nerves.

He doesn’t know how long he lays there, staring up at the ceiling - taking in nothing and just trying to breathe right again. Trying to ignore the feeling of actively crawling out of his own skin that makes all of his inhales feel doubled up like a drum beating too fast and off rhythm in his chest.

He doesn’t know how long he lays there.

Eventually though, he’s able to make out little details. The shadowed corner where his far wall meets the roof above the window, above him. The edge of his bed to his left. The occasional stretch of faded light stretching above him as cars pass by on the streets outside.

Only when he feels like he can move without his nerves splitting in two does he carefully push himself up to sit.

 _Fuck_ , he feels like shit.

His skin’s still buzzing, his breathing’s still not as calm as he’d like it, and he can feel dampness pricking at his eyes. When he reaches up to roughly scrub the feeling away, his hand comes away tacky and wet - tears, sweat, and, honestly, probably drool from when he’d had his face pressed too hard into his sheets.

So, scratch that. He feels like shit _and_ he feels disgusting.

Great.

It takes another long couple of minutes before he can convince himself that the energy he’ll spend to get to the shower is going to be worth it, but he gets there eventually. Congratulates himself on not taking an hour to do so this time.

The shower isn’t a miracle worker, but by the time he gets out, he feels...moderately better.

If nothing else, he feels like he’s in one piece again, and not about to vibrate in two.

He still feels fragile. And, as he drops down heavily on the couch, the energy to go back up the stairs leaving him as soon as he’d looked at them, slightly pathetic.

And, God, he doesn’t want to be alone.

He whines softly when he realizes he left his phone up by his bed. But he only takes ten minutes to both convince himself to go upstairs, get it, and come back down.

He doesn’t look at the bed while he’s up there. Knows he’s going to have to buy a new set of sheets. Again.

When he’s back on the couch, curled up with a pillow to his chest, arm of the couch at his back, and his heels up on the cushion, he flicks through his contacts, squinting at the bright screen.

Maddie still hadn’t texted him back. And he really didn’t want to interrupt whatever was causing that stretch of silence. It was either work or Chimney - though, it was apparently two thirty in the morning, so he was more willing to bet on the former.

And he was happy to live in the fantasy world where he didn’t have to imagine his sister with uh. Anyone. Ever. It was weird enough watching them make puppy eyes at each other.

He snorted at himself - a rough sound that was probably some distant cousin of a laugh.

He wasn’t really thinking when he scrolled to the next contact. Didn’t really register just who he was calling until he’d already pressed the button.

And didn’t connect the actual time with who he was calling until the man had already picked up.

“Buck?” Eddie sounded exhausted, and Buck could really only cuss himself out quietly for a moment. The man had just worked a goddamn double, probably got home maybe a handful of hours ago, at most. The fuck was he doing?

“Evan? You there?” There’s some part of his brain that’s not actively tearing himself a new one to notice the shift in tone - tired to worried - and doesn’t that just make him feel worse.

“Fuck, I’m sorry man, I wasn’t thinking about the time, I didn’t mean to wa-”

“Buck, you sound like shit. What’s going on?” Buck blinks at the phone for a moment before letting out a sound that even to his own ears sounds cracked and broken. Which, _fuck_ , he’d been trying for a laugh, not...not that.

“I’ll be there in ten, okay?” And the line goes dead before Buck can even tell him not to bother. Instead, he just thunks his head against the pillow still held to his chest.

He’s still there when, sure enough, ten minutes later, he hears the lock on his front door turning.

“Buck?” Eddie calls out - not loud enough to break the quiet of the apartment, but not quiet enough to miss either.

“In here,” Buck calls back after a moment - and wow, Eddie was right. He did sound like shit - his voice low and scratched to hell and back. Grimacing, he buried his face back in the pillow instead of looking back as he heard Eddie round the stairs and pad into the living space.

“Hey…” Eddie says, quieter now, though Buck can’t really parse _why_. He feels the couch dip in front of him. It’s quiet for a long moment after that, before Eddie speaks up again. “Rough night?” He asks. And for some reason, that’s the funniest shit Buck’s heard in _weeks_ , and he can’t help but laugh.

Eddie doesn’t laugh with him, and Buck wants to think it’s because it’s really not that funny, and not because the sounds shaking his frame are about two seconds from shattering him.

It takes a long moment for Buck to get control again. When he does, everything’s just...quiet.

Until he hears, and feels, Eddie moving again.

There’s a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Buck knows that probably should’ve scared the shit out of him. But...it’s Eddie.

The hand gently, but firmly, pulls, and the other hand is on his other arm, and Buck’s not entirely sure what’s going on, but he goes with it without looking up because it’s _Eddie_.

When Eddie’s done moving him around like an oversized doll, Buck’s pressed up against Eddie’s side, and Eddie’s arm is a heavy, warm, grounding weight across his shoulders, his hand curled around to pull him in closer, and Buck just...folds.

He can’t quite bring himself to pull his face from the pillow, or to let go of it, even though his hands are starting to hurt from where they’re curled tight in the fabric, but he actively shifts enough to curl as much as he can into Eddie’s chest.

And Eddie just...holds him.

There’s nothing left in him for tears, but the spirit’s there.

* * *

There’s nothing to really say, the next morning.

He knows Eddie has a crick in his neck from where he’d spent the night sleeping sitting up. His own back in protesting too much movement from how stiff he’d been holding himself.

The morning’s quiet, the two of them moving around each other gently and slowly. Breakfast is just as silent. And nothing’s said about the fact that neither of them move two feet away from each other the entire time.

There’s nothing to say.

But Buck can’t let it lie, when Eddie finally has to leave to go pick up Chris.

“Thank you. For...being there.”

And Eddie’s smile is sweet and makes him feel whole and seen and…

And yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!
> 
> I'll be back in a couple days with a more mellow chapter, promise!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! I promised a more mellow chapter, and I tried! I really did!
> 
> Thank y'all so much for your continued support of this fic! I'm blown away every time I read the comments and see the kudos. It's amazing and y'all're great.
> 
> Also! Quick thank you to [chelecheese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelecheese/profile) for looking this chapter over! It was a really big help!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

God, he was tired.

There was an ache in his eyes, a twinge in his back, and he swore he could still taste smoke and asphalt.

It had been a long day, to say the least. Nothing awful, thankfully - just. A lot.

Or, at least, he thought it was. He couldn’t actually remember much before the last call. Multi-car pile-up on the turnpike. Thankfully - and fucking miraculously, honestly - while more than a few people were definitely banged up to hell and back, there hadn’t been any DOA, and everyone had looked stable heading out in the handful of ambulances they’d had to call to help. What he mostly remembered was the smell of gas soaking into asphalt and the acidic smoke belching from a few of the more...crumpled cars.

By the time they’d finally cleared the area for the tow trucks and the cops, Eddie had been a sweaty, oil-stained mess (how _that_ had happened he had no idea), as had Bobby, Chim and Hen, and he really just wanted to go take a shower and go _home_.

Thankfully for him, his shift was coming to a close right about the time they’d finally made it back to the station. Enough time for him to take a quick shower to get the worst of the grime off and change and gather his things to head out.

Just in time for the sky to split in two.

Eddie didn’t like to think he was so out of it that he hadn’t noticed the dark rolling wall of clouds slowly rumbling in over the city, but stepping out into the frigid rain he hadn’t noticed until that very moment kind of made it hard to protest.

Sighing and grumbling to himself, he made his way to his truck, climbing in and kind of just...sitting there for a long moment, watching the rain pelt and streak down the glass.

He wanted to go home.

But home right now was quiet and empty. Chris was with his abuela for the night - supposedly a favor for Eddie, after working back to backs for the last couple of days without a night really to himself. At least, that was how his abuela phrased it. He was pretty certain she just missed Christopher and had no qualms about using every tool at her disposal to fix that. He was just lucky she’d gone the practical route this time.

He could go over to his abuela’s too. Settle in for a family night - hug his son close and pretend the sharp old woman couldn’t see right through him. She’d cluck and tsk and make sure both of them were taken care of - it’s what she was good at.

But that...that wasn’t quite right, right now. He was tired, and aching, and wanted to go...

He had the key in the ignition and was pulling out of the parking lot without much more thought.

It’s not that he...really thought of Buck’s place as ‘home’. But it felt _right,_ right now. And that was really all he needed.

He pulled up to the building a good twenty minutes later, glaring balefully out the window at the sheets of rain still coming down. The walk was going to suck, no matter how short it was.

...And he was right. By the time he had the key in the lock and was turning the knob, he was just about soaked to the bone and starting to shiver. It was LA. Why the hell was the rain _cold_?

Shaking his head (and the rest of himself), he ducked inside, quickly closing the door behind him before two things occurred to him, at roughly the exact same moment. One, he hadn’t actually told Buck he was coming over, and, two, the place was dark and quiet.

The latter seemed more important than the former though - Buck had never complained about Eddie using the key he’d given him. Had never tried to push Eddie out, or told him to leave when he had shown up with little to no warning with a kid in tow. He would’ve said something at some point, if it bothered him, right? Right - so he looked around, not really moving from the doorway.

As blase as he’d just decided he was about waltzing into Buck’s apartment with no forewarning, it’d be kind of weird if Buck wasn’t actually here.

“...Buck, you here?” He called, wincing slightly as his voice cut through the quiet. It wasn’t silent - he could hear the storm outside, rain pattering against the windows in a cascading staccato that actually managed to sound somewhat calming, now that he wasn’t in the dead center of it, and wind howling around the buildings just loud enough to cut out most of the sound coming from the streets.

The whole effect was...not isolating, but softening. The world outside seemed to fade away the longer he stood in the doorway. It also had the added effect of helping loosen the clench that had been forming in his chest, settling frazzled nerves that Eddie hadn’t even really noticed were frazzled.

“Yeah, up here.” Buck called back, voice almost muffled across the space.

Eddie frowned, a faint edge of worry wriggling it’s way in to gnaw at the inside of his chest. 

They hadn’t really...talked, since that night that Buck had called him. He hadn’t felt the need to pry, as long as Buck was reaching out - and he’d been good the following morning, as far as Eddie could tell. But episodes like that were never just a one time thing. And walking into a quiet, dark apartment at five-thirty didn’t exactly read as great signs.

Carefully toeing off his shoes, he made his way for the stairs. He wasn’t consciously trying to be quiet, but he also didn’t really want to break the stillness anymore than he already had. Especially not if Buck was feeling...well. Feeling.

When he made it to the top though, he immediately felt that gnawing, scraping worry melt away - Buck was looking back from where he sat cross-legged on the bed, bright-eyed, with a lopsided smile firmly in place. His shoulders were easy, and Eddie was ninety-percent certain he was only upright by chance. Still - just to be sure, “Hey...you doing okay?”

“Mm-hm...could ask you the same thing. You look like shit.” Eddie blinked at him, then snorted.

“Think this is bad? Should’ve seen me an hour ago.”

“Yeah, I heard.” Eddie raised an eyebrow, “Chim texted. But uh...pretty sure the drowned cat look is a pretty close second.”

Eddie huffed at him, the reminder that he was still soaking wet making him remember just how frikken cold he was again. Buck just rolled his eyes and waved a hand towards the bathroom, “Go take a shower already. Just looking at you is making me cold.” And, sure, Eddie had taken one back at the station, but honestly? A hot shower sounded...really, really nice right now.

“Ah...you got any-”

“Top drawer.” He blinked, then just shook his head with a smile.

Turning to dig through the dresser for a moment, he grabbed the first things that looked like they’d fit before heading to the bathroom with a soft, “Thanks, man.” He didn’t hear a response from Buck, but he didn’t really need one either.

It was only when he actually got under the hot spray of water that finally started to chase away the chill that had been trying it’s best to settle into his bones that he realized a couple things (again).

One - this was weird right? Showing up unannounced at his friend’s house, stealing his shower and his clothes, just because he didn’t want to go home to silence, and didn’t want to go somewhere too bright and loud in the best ways possible, but that were simply too much to deal with.

And two - ...he didn’t really care.

These past couple of weeks, they’d settled into a pretty good rhythm, only occasionally thrown off by a hiccup here and there. Days when Carla was booked elsewhere, Chris was dropped off at Buck’s bright and early, and picked up in the evening. It wasn’t too uncommon for Eddie to stick around with Chris a little longer, even - just enjoying his two favorite people watching the end of some disney movie and play arguing over the ways the story should’ve gone, or trying to explain to him the multitude of lego figures they’d made and their stories, or ordering dinner and just listening to their day while they asked about his.

It wasn’t every day and night - they wouldn’t impose on Buck like that, and Chris still had school. But there were also plenty of days where Eddie just...dropped in on Buck. Normally with a text to make sure he was up to seeing people that day (though, come to think of it, Buck had never told him _no_ on that front, despite the hermit tendencies everyone else had pointed out at some point or other). Easy afternoons spent watching football or soccer and getting lunch, animated discussions about nothing and everything…

Damn, he’d been spending a lot of time over here, hadn’t he?

So...no, he really didn’t care that it was weird that they’d slid into this kind of balance where Eddie dropped by without much preamble, and Buck let him in with a smile and not one word.

Plain and simple, this is where he wanted to be.

Well, mostly.

Shaking his head, he dragged his fingers through his hair one last time to push water out of his face before shutting off the shower. The clothes he’d stolen were a simple henley that was a little tight in the shoulders and a pair of sweats a little too long around the ankles - both worn in and soft and exactly what he needed right now.

He padded quietly back out to what served as Buck’s bedroom, and wasn’t too surprised Buck hadn’t moved. He was still sitting crosslegged on the bed, leaning back on his hands and watching the rain sleet down the window. While he wasn’t smiling anymore, his shoulders were still easy, and all the hard edges to him had been rounded out in the muzzy quiet, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile.

While some small part of his brain was still ranting about everything weird going on today, and in the last couple of weeks, Eddie didn’t pay it much mind as he slipped over to the bed, crawling up onto it behind Buck to flop down. He ended up laying with Buck pressed up against his side, and he didn’t feel much like moving further than to put one arm behind his head and finally let himself _relax_.

“...Feeling better?” Buck asks without looking back. Doesn’t matter though, Eddie can hear the smile in his voice, can feel how he pressed back into him just barely. He could be embarrassed about getting this comfortable in Buck’s space so easily, at how easily Buck lets him. Probably should be. But really, really isn’t.

“Much.” And Buck snorts out a soft, endearing laugh but doesn’t question him further on it.

It’s quiet then - nothing but the pitter-patter of rain to fill the space between them - for a long stretch of minutes. And Eddie just sinks into it, enjoys the peace that comes with just _being_ for a little while.

He’s startled out of his half-doze a little while later when Buck shifts, taking a moment to track what’s going on and whining when Buck none too gently shoves him to the side. Buck laughs at him, but doesn’t give up until Eddie just grumbles and shifts over the foot Buck apparently wants him to. When he’s resettled, he gets about a second before he’s grunting, Buck dropping down to lay with his head on his stomach, using him as a pillow to keep watching the window. “Don’t make this weird, Diaz.”

And Eddie...Eddie just laughs, too soft to actually make a sound, and reaches over with his free hand to curl in the crook of Buck’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Evan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope y'all enjoyed it!
> 
> See y'all in a couple days!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll ever stop being surprised at the response to this! All of you are amazing, thank you so much for the kudos and the comments!! I really, really hope this fic is enjoyable for y'all, I'm trying really hard!
> 
> Another thank you to [chelecheese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelecheese/profile) who is amazing for looking this over!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

Buck stared at the door for a long moment.

He really didn’t want to answer it, even as the persistent knocking came again.

He just wanted a quiet day in. Eddie was supposed to be coming around in about half an hour with whatever it was he’d decided they were cooking that night, and Buck had a couple of movies lined up for them to tear apart, and he really, really, did not want to deal with his sister right now.

“Buck, come on. We know you’re home!” And Chimney apparently.

So, two options. Be really quiet, and pretend he actually wasn’t home, and hope they gave up.

Or remember exactly who he’s dealing with and leave them on the doorstep for Eddie to deal with once he gets there.

...Wait. Ah, shit, he didn’t really want to hear their comments about Eddie though either.

So, third, and worst option, let them in and get them out quickly. _Then_ enjoy his day with Eddie.

Okay. He could work with that.

Taking a deep breath, he slipped over to the door, unlocking and opening it, apparently just as Chim had raised his hand to knock again, if the suddenly off-balance fist almost hitting his face was anything to go by.

“Maddie. Not that I don’t love seeing you. But why?” Normally, she gave him a heads up. Or a warning. Or he was the one crashing into her apartment. Showing up out of the blue when nothing was wrong really wasn’t her go-to.

“Nice to see you too Buckaroo,” Chim quipped, slipping past him, carrying a tote bag in one hand. Buck just huffed as Maddie followed after him with a laugh.

“Someone’s grouchy today,” Maddie said, raising an eyebrow and eyeing him up and down. Buck rolled his eyes, heading to the living room.

“Am not. Just...didn’t expect you, is all.” 

“Well yeah. Figured you’d tell us to forget it.”

“...Forget what?”

“Movie night.” Maddie said, finally grinning brightly, right as Chimney lifted the bag in his hand, looking immensely proud of himself.

Buck kind of just blinked at the two of them. “Uh…”

“Nope, no arguments Buck. You’ve been holed up here for way too long, and while we’re not gonna try and wrestle you outside, you do need actual social interaction at some point.” Chimney said, digging through the bag. “And, lucky you, we have the perfect set up for it.”

“...I already have plans.” Buck said, ducking his head to look at his feet, shoving his hands in his back pockets - feeling both touched and really, really...annoyed? Embarrassed? Some bastard cousin of the two? He knew he’d retreated from everyone these past couple of months but…

There’s no immediate reaction, and when he looks up again, Chim’s looking unimpressed, and Maddie’s looking like she’s trying to find the politest way to call him a liar. He hasn’t seen that look since he was a teenager.

“Really guys. I promise I’m not just...just pulling this out of my ass. And it’s really...nice that you guys tried to do this - but...yeah.”

“Plans with w-” Maddie starts to ask, just in time for the loud click of the door opening to silence her immediately.

Eddie was supposed to still be twenty minutes out. While his timing was _impeccable_ , Buck just lifted his eyes to the ceiling and sent out a quick prayer for both their sanities in the coming minutes.

Eddie didn’t even notice the three of them as he pushed the door open with his hip and headed for the kitchen, multiple bags of groceries in hand. He was only supposed to pick up what they were cooking tonight, what the hell. “Hey Buck, figured it couldn’t hurt to grab a bit more than we talked about.” Eddie calls, clearly figuring Buck to still be upstairs.

Buck bites hard on a laugh, Maddie and Chim still just watching the oblivious man with looks of confusion.

Eddie’s half-way through unloading the first bag before he bothers to look around, probably wondering why Buck hasn’t responded. When he catches sight of Maddie and Chim, he kind of just...freezes, eyes wide, and doing a remarkable impression of a deer caught in the headlights, and it takes everything Buck has not to bust out laughing at him.

It’s quiet and still for one long moment before, as one, Maddie and Chim whirl back on Buck.

“Oh, _plans_ , why didn’t you say so?” Maddie asks, grinning again, but with a twist to it Buck hasn’t seen in a couple months. He really wants to chuck a couch pillow at her, even as he feels a blush heating up his face.

“Eddie said he was busy tonight, what’s he doi-...Oh.” Chim adds, the last part to himself as he connects everything.

Buck vaguely hears him, too busy focusing on not laughing as Eddie slowly ducks down behind the bar. Just in time too as Chim turns back around to no doubt start questioning him. He pauses, blinks, “Where’d Eddie go?”

“Must’ve run back out to the car.” Buck says, clearing his throat.

“Uh-huh. Well, I guess you _are_ busy, so...next time we’ll call first. Maybe.” Maddie says, stepping into Buck’s space to give him a surprisingly strong hug. And Buck’s confused, but he hugs her back without really questioning. When she pulls back again, her smile isn’t twisting or laughing at him. She just looks...happy. And Buck smiles back, slightly sheepish. She doesn’t need to say anything really - he’d given her the same damn look when she’d finally asked Chimney out, that first time. And, sure, him and Eddie weren’t...quite like that. Not really. (Not yet.) But he got it.

“I’m happy for you,” she whispers before raising her voice again, “Have fun.” she adds, reaching up to ruffle his hair just to get him to squawk and try to bat her away.

Chimney rolls his eyes and steps up next, holding out the tote bag. “Well, looks like you’re all set then for the night, man.” Buck raises an eyebrow, taking the bag to peek through. He recognizes a few titles - Rambo, Die Hard, Mission Impossible, and he’s pretty sure he sees Conan in there too. Figures. Laughing, he shakes his head slightly, reaching out to clap Chimney on the shoulder and pull him in for a one-armed hug.

“We were just trying to help you know. Been watching you seem...stuck, the past couple of weeks. Wanted to help you press play again, just for a little bit.” Chimney mutters into the small space between them when they pull apart again, and Buck grins.

“Yeah, I know. And it means a lot, it does...just…”

“Not as needed as we thought. Glad to hear, Buckaroo.” Chim nods slightly, offering another small smile before moving to follow Maddie, who’s paused on Buck’s side of the bar, apparently having one more thing to say.

“Remind me to talk with Eddie later, will you?” And it’s sweet. And completely innocent. And Buck doesn’t buy it for one second.

“Absolutely not. You leave him alone.” Buck says, huffing.

“Oh come on, what do you think I’m gonna say?” Maddie shoots back.

“I have a few ideas, and just remember, I know every embarrassing story from junior high to nursing school." Well, Chimney suddenly looks interested in the conversation, glancing back and forth between them.

"And _I_ know every embarrassing story from diapers to college." Maddie snorts, crossing her arms over her chest, eyes glinting with the dare.

"Eh, Eddie knows most of them as it is." There’d been way too many afternoons lately where...stories just came up. And Eddie’d laugh with him, _at_ him, before taking pity on him and sharing equally embarrassing stories about himself. They’d spent a lot of time on the living room floor just absolutely laughing themselves silly.

"...You know, I never thought about it, but your lack of shame really is a super power isn't it, Buck?" Chimney asks, sounding slightly impressed, but Buck can see the wheels in his head turning too.

"So is the ability to coax stories out of Hen. I have you covered too, and if I want more, I just have to ask."

"You’re a bit evil, you know that?" Chim’s hands are immediately in the air, taking himself out of that particular race.

"Yep, but you love me"

"Unfortunately," Maddie grumbles, but she’s still smiling, so Buck just laughs.

"Now shoo. Eddie’s gonna be back in a second, and I don’t need you two around embarrassing him."

Maddie and Chim exchange a glance Buck can’t quite interpret before rolling their eyes and heading for the door. They seem ready to leave without further incident, before Chimney turns back around, looking at something behind the bar, “See you tomorrow Eddie.” he says, laughing as he shuts the door, and all Buck hears is Eddie groaning.

He can’t bite it back anymore, he’s laughing hard and loud at that, having to drop into one of the chairs when he can’t quite get enough air in to remain upright.

He’s just about calmed down when he looks over, and sees Eddie just barely peeking over the counter to glare at him, which sends him into another laughing fit.

“Yeah, yeah, yak it up, brat. Chimney’s never gonna let me live that down,” Eddie grumbles as he finally pushes himself to his feet. 

“Don’t forget Hen,” Buck manages to wheeze out. And he sees Eddie’s eyes go wide as he realizes that Chim’s probably texting Hen right now, and his next couple of weeks are going to be hazing hell. And sure, Buck feels a slight twist in his chest, that he won’t be there to see it. But he’s...it’s not as sharp, as it would’ve been a couple weeks ago.

He’s still trying to figure out where to go from here - but he has options now, has spent plenty of time these last couple of weeks working on them. Some even land him back in a fire house, even if they’re a little more farfetched than the others. Point is - there are options. And Eddie’s been helping him figure them out.

So while he knows he’s going to have to live vicariously through texts and Eddie’s own whining over this, he can really just...enjoy that, rather than dipping back into a depressive spinout. And that alone makes him feel good.

Buck shakes his head, laughter finally dying down as he pushes himself back up to head into the kitchen, sliding into Eddie’s personal space with a grin. “Good news, guess our movies for the night are figured out. And, bonus, I bet if you start quoting them _wrong_ , I’m pretty sure Chimney will implode.” And Eddie pauses, thinks on it for a moment, before getting an absolutely evil grin on his face.

“You know, that makes it slightly better.”

Buck rolls his eyes, reaching around to clap a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, leaving it there to finally look over what Eddie’s brought for dinner tonight. “So, did you mean to buy out a good quarter of the store or what? And what are we actually making?”

“Dirty rice with chicken. The rest of this is because your cabinets are sad, even with the goldfish, applesauce and other sugary stuff you buy for Chris.” And Buck would be embarrassed, but, hey, Eddie’s not wrong - and if he’s not mistaken, he can hear the fond thread in Eddie’s tone even if he’s trying to sound admonishing about it.

“Fair enough.” Buck shrugs, leaning into Eddie’s side as he finishes pulling out everything they actually need to start dinner.

“Go pick one of Chimney’s favorites and get it started. I’ll get set up over here.” Eddie says, gently nudging Buck with his hip and Buck huffs and whines but lets go to do just that.

“I’m thinking Mission Impossible.” Buck shoots back over his shoulder - it’s just about the only one he actively recognizes, rather than just vague recollections from Chim’s ramblings, and only because Maddie’d told him about it.

“Sounds good - where’re your pans, man?”

“Same place they were last time.”

And Buck hears some cursing and banging behind him, and can’t help but smile, softly, just for himself now.

Sure, he and Eddie weren’t quite like that. Not yet. But they were figuring it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We'll be back in a couple days with the last chapter - Buck's attempt!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so.
> 
> In my defense. Holidays happened/are still happening. Aaaaaand this chapter didn't want to settle. But! I'm here now! And I like where this has ended up, and I really hope you do too.
> 
> Quick thank you to [an_alternate_world](https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_alternate_world) for giving this a look over!
> 
> And thank you to everyone who's stuck around with this thing! All your comments and kudos have been so amazing and wonderful to see.
> 
> Enjoy!

Eddie hated nights like this.

Genuinely, righteously, hated them.

...Well, maybe that was going too far but it was...it was a _thing_. He’d just come off a double shift, and while his muscles ached and there was a headache blooming behind his temples, and all he really wanted to do was sleep for the next twelve hours, and then pick up his sunshine from his abuela’s so they could go get lunch and just enjoy his day off-...while that was all he _wanted_ to do, he was absolutely _buzzing_ , with nowhere for the energy to go.

It didn’t make sense. Sure, they’d had a big call out in the first half of his shift - apartment fire that took their team and the next closest to get under control, but after that? Things had been...calm. As calm as they ever were in LA.

If the apartment fire had been later? Eddie could explain the fizzy energy bubbling under his skin as adrenaline, and it’d be whatever. Still annoying, of course, but he knew how to deal with adrenaline, and its crashes. This? This just felt...nervous. Energetic. He was hyped but tired, and he really didn’t know where to go with it.

Nevermind that it was one in the morning and he really, really needed to get some sleep.

He’d tried when he’d gotten home. He’d been downright jittering at that point though, with pent-up energy that had nowhere to go, so he’d given up within an hour.

Right now, he was perched on his coffee table - why not the couch? Who the hell knew - and flipping through his phone. Eddie didn’t really have any idea what he was going to do. He could get food? Maybe trick his system into slowing down that way?

Or he could...well, apparently he was calling Buck. Okay. Cool.

“‘ello?” Buck answers, sounding way too awake for the time, and Eddie immediately regrets everything.

“Uh...hey Buck.”

“...Little late, man. Everything okay?”

Eddie can vaguely hear rustling, telling him, no matter how awake he sounded, Buck had definitely been in bed. “Yeah, uh...sorry, wasn’t really thinking about the time. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Buck snorts, an indelicate sound at the best of times but even worse over the phone, and Eddie can’t help but grin a little. “You didn’t. And I know you already know that. What’s going on?”

And Eddie...Eddie doesn’t have an answer for him. Sure, his skin is still buzzing, and apparently his leg is bouncing though he’s not sure how long that’s been going on, and he’s honestly just... _there_ and _not_ , and it’s a weird feeling, and he doesn’t know what to do with it, but he also doesn’t know what Buck would do about it and…

“...Man, it’s nothing. Sorry. Get some sleep, Buck.”

And he hears the tail-end of “Now, just a minute Dia-” but he hangs up, feeling stupid and jumpy and just…

He needs a shower. Maybe that’ll help.

* * *

The hot water does wonderful things for his aching muscles, he’ll give it that. Hell, it even helps him get back to feeling like he’s actually _in_ his skin, which is a relief. It does very little for his racing brain though.

He’s glaring balefully at the inside of his fridge - wow he needs to go grocery shopping - when he hears it. Footsteps coming up the front walk.

There’s a rattle of the doorknob, a pause, and then a heavy thump on the door. Not like a knock but more like…

Frowning, he slips over to peek out the window.

It takes a moment to actually register what he sees, but when he does, he has to bite down on a laugh.

Buck’s standing on his front step, head leaning against the door, two plastic bags in hand and looking so utterly defeated, Eddie feels kind of bad for him.

He takes pity on him when Buck lifts his head to thump it weakly against the door again, with a groan loud enough Eddie can hear it through the door. He unlocks it, having to almost immediately raise his hands to catch a suddenly flailing Buck by the shoulders. Whoops.

“...Buck?”

Buck blinks at him for a moment, then smiles sheepishly. “I uh...mighta forgotten my keys.”

It’s Eddie’s turn to blink then. Before he’s glancing down at the bags Buck’s carrying, raising an eyebrow.

“Uber. Two of ‘em. Weird night, driving didn’t sound great. But food did.” And he’s grinning at Eddie like that sequence of events makes sense, and all Eddie can do is just laugh softly, shaking his head and stepping aside to actually let Buck inside.

“You didn’t have to come over you know…” he mumbles, more for form’s sake - ‘cause that’s easier than dealing with the weird twisting in his chest and the energy crackling along his nerves.

“Eh, you sounded weird. Not like...bad weird.” Buck shrugs, suddenly looking unsure. “But I mean, I can go? Wasn’t really thinking straight so, I mean-”

“No!” Eddie answers, way too quickly if the owl-eyed look Buck gives him is anything to go by. “Uh... I mean...yeah, things’re weird. Just...didn’t want to bug you. I honestly did not expect you to…”

“Drop everything and come over? One, nothing to drop so whatever, and two, why not? You’ve done it plenty.” And Buck grins at him again before slipping around him to the living room to set the food out.

And, well...Buck’s got a point. Eddie’s never hesitated to just...barge into Buck’s place, if he felt like he needed to. Or wanted to. So Buck turning around and doing the same? It shouldn’t be unexpected.

Except it kinda is, and Eddie doesn’t really know what to do with the somersaults his stomach’s doing. He’s about to ask about it - ask what Buck’s doing, what _they’re_ doing, since this is _new_ but it doesn’t feel like it, and Eddie doesn’t want it to feel new, doesn’t want to do away with the surprise thumping in his heart and the smile spreading across his face, doesn’t want to...want to _change_ what’s been going on, because if he changes it, he might lose it - but his living room now smells amazing, and his stomach is grumbling, reminding him that, oh, right, eating was the plan for the night.

“...Is that from that Thai place down the block?” His favorite in the immediate area, if he were being honest. Chris wasn’t big on them though, so he only ever really picked it up when he was going over to Buck’s, or spending dinner alone.

“Yep. You gonna just stand there?” Buck asks, his own styrofoam container in hand as he stretches out on Eddie’s couch like he owns the damn thing, head falling back over the arm of the couch so he can grin at Eddie upside down.

And Eddie...Eddie just lets out a helpless little laugh, shaking his head and slipping over to drop down beside him.

They don’t really talk for a while after that. Buck steals the remote long enough to flip the tv to some action movie that neither of them have heard of, let alone watched. Neither have much of an idea what’s going on, but it’s mindless, and bright, and all they need while they’re eating.

By the time they’ve cleaned out everything Buck brought, Eddie’s feeling...better. He’s still far too awake, far too _present_ , but his skin’s not too tight anymore, and his nerves don’t feel as frayed.

He’s like...ninety percent certain the food isn’t the reason.

Buck doesn’t look like he’s planning on moving any time soon, bright eyes glinting in the sharp light from the tv. Eddie’s also pretty certain he has no idea what the hell is showing on screen.

“So. Things still weird?” Buck asks into the… Well, not the quiet, ‘cause there’s still an explosion-filled action movie playing, but the dark. His voice cuts through the white noise sharp enough to startle Eddie, and he takes a moment to respond.

“...Not as bad. Just...got home, and…” He trails off, trying to figure out how to explain it. He can’t quite look at Buck while he does, eyes instead focusing on the tv, arms crossing over his chest as he slouches back into the couch. He can feel Buck looking at him, waiting and just _there_.

“Didn’t feel right in my skin. It felt like an adrenaline crash, you know? But that...that didn’t make sense, and it just didn’t feel normal, and I wanted to go to bed, but my brain wouldn’t shut the hell up, and up until about ten minutes ago, I felt like I was about to buzz out of my skin,” Eddie says in a rush. It’s not perfect, but it’ll do.

He still doesn’t look at Buck. He doesn’t know what it is - maybe it’s the harsh glow of the tv cutting through the otherwise dark room, casting everything in sharp outlines and soft shadows that meld and blend and give everything an unreal quality. Or maybe it’s just his brain fritzing out a little from lack of sleep. But he feels...exposed, almost, with Buck in his space like this. With Buck’s attention on him, and with Eddie realizing he doesn’t mind one damn bit.

“Mm...And how do you feel now?” Buck asks, voice softer this time, riding along the white noise instead of interrupting it.

Eddie scrubs a hand down his face with a sigh. “Well, I’m not about to explode anymore. Brain won’t shut up though.”

“Oh? Anything interesting going on up there for once?” Buck asks, lilting voice teasing and Eddie huffs out a laugh, grabbing a pillow to throw in his direction without looking. There’s a pretty sad little _poof_ as it connects with what Eddie assumes is Buck’s face. It’s what he was aiming for anyway, and Buck’s laugh sounds muffled.

Then there’s the sound of shifting and before Eddie can ask what he’s doing, he’s blinking down at Buck from where Buck’s flipped around to lay his head in Eddie’s lap.

He’s smiling up at Eddie, lopsided and sweet, while his eyes glint brightly in the light, and suddenly Eddie feels like he’s buzzing out of his skin again. For a completely different reason.

“...Hey Buck?” Eddie asks, voice catching slightly as he curls a hand in Buck’s shirt at his side. He still doesn’t know what they’re doing. But now? Now he kind of wants to change it.

“Hm?” Buck doesn’t look away from him, and Eddie could just about swear Buck knows exactly what he wants to do. But is going to make Eddie take the first step because...hell, that’s what Eddie does, isn’t it? Slips right into Buck’s space and just...makes himself at home. And Buck lets him. Every time.

Invites him in.

Invites him to stay.

“...Don’t make this weird, Buck.” He says as he leans down far enough to press a soft kiss to Buck’s growing smile. It’s little more than a sweet slide of breath before he’s pulling back again, and Buck’s grinning up at him.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Eddie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Also, I finally made a 911 tumblr to start trying to get more into the fandom, so if you wanna come yell about these wonderful losers with me, I'm over [here](https://the-one-eighteen.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Otherwise, thanks for sticking around, and see y'all with more stuff soon!


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